Happy Birthday!

Jude had his birthday. I was happy for the little guy and sad at the same time. He enjoyed the cake, the attention and the tissue paper but I felt sad having to help him get his hand to his mouth to eat some frosting. I see much younger babies all the time able to hold toys and sit up -- and it hurts to know that he can't. And I do realize a large part of it is feeling very, very sorry for myself more than him. I really, really, really want a "normal" baby -- I so want to wake up and realize that none of this ever happened and Jude is just fine. While I have met many wonderful people in this journey -- I could have lived my life just fine never knowing them. People always say they are grateful for this or that hardship in life, I'm not grateful! Why should I be grateful for the fact that my child has to struggle to do the simplest thing?