Struggling

Jude's asleep, again. He is taking Keppra and Klonopin to control his myclonic epilepsy (not really working, BTW). It makes him so very tired! He slept almost the entire time we were out shopping this morning (made it easier but still...) and he came home, ate lunch and went back to sleep. How is he going to learn to do things with this much sleep? I'm so afraid he'll slip farther behind or regress with all this medication.

Now I know

Now I know lots of things I never wanted to know. I know how it feels to watch other children walking when yours can't crawl. I know what it is like to have other babies talking when yours just babbles. I also know how valuable being able to hold your own bottle can be -- I still spend hours feeding Jude, just like when he was a newborn. At least he smiles -- at least he tries to talk -- at least he engages with people, I cannot even imagine what mother's go through when their children cannot do even these things. At least Jude is healthy -- I can't imagine what a mother must suffer when her child has critical health problems. Sometimes I feel so sad and depressed, something I've also never felt in my life. I can't know what the future holds but I can't see that it looks good for him, or for me.

If wishes were fishes

Sometimes when Jude is asleep I can imagine that he is a normal little boy worn out after a day of playing. Anything is possible when he is asleep and all is "normal."

College

Jude's big brother is off to college. It doesn't seem so very long ago that he was still a baby. Jude, unfortunately, has no real love for his big brother -- he is viewed as a very substandard substitute for mom! I'll miss him though. Not only has he been a huge help since Jude was born, he is good company -- funny and intelligent and amiable. He sometimes has a very short temper for the little ones but, in general, is a good, loving and protective big brother.

Jude loves books.

Jude loves to have books read to him. He is so attentive and seems to really enjoy looking at the pictures and hearing the words. He can't manipulate them himself, yet -- but enjoys just sitting on my lap and hearing them. This is good -- it is something that we can all do with him.

Jude's sick

He's done very well and hasn't been sick for months but now he has strep. ARGH! He's handling it pretty well, but its more medicine for the next ten days.