Now I know

Now I know lots of things I never wanted to know. I know how it feels to watch other children walking when yours can't crawl. I know what it is like to have other babies talking when yours just babbles. I also know how valuable being able to hold your own bottle can be -- I still spend hours feeding Jude, just like when he was a newborn. At least he smiles -- at least he tries to talk -- at least he engages with people, I cannot even imagine what mother's go through when their children cannot do even these things. At least Jude is healthy -- I can't imagine what a mother must suffer when her child has critical health problems. Sometimes I feel so sad and depressed, something I've also never felt in my life. I can't know what the future holds but I can't see that it looks good for him, or for me.