Control

I guess what is bothering me the most is that I have no control over the situation. I cannot make Jude better through force of will. I have to accept things that I don't like, I have to accept that I can't change things I don't like and, worst of all, I can't walk away from things I just don't like. I would never walk away from my child -- but somedays I would love it if these problems weren't mine.

Helpless

I suppose the worst thing I have to deal with is a sinking feeling of helplessness I get from time to time. I can't work my way out of this. I can't give up, but what I do may never work. That is so frustrating. I was very excited when John McCain picked Sarah Palin because she has her own special needs child -- but she isn't at the point yet where the work really begins, where you really see the differences, where you really and truly have to accept that your child isn't "perfect." I love Jude, I truly do, but some days are just too much. Today has been a good day as he napped, ate, played, had PT and is asleep again -- not all days are so easy.