Jude's birth

Jude was born just after midnight. I was induced the day before because of gestational diabetes -- he was 38 plus weeks and plenty old enough to be born. He hadn't had bad NSTs, he was just difficult keeping on the monitor, so everyone was tired of doing them twice a week with a nurse sitting there and following Jude around the womb to get a good strip. I was started on pitocin and not much happened, for hours. At 6pm my water broke and things got going. I asked for an epidural, I knew I would need it though I had gone natural for 4 previous births, and it was in by about 8 pm. I started pushing about 9:30pm. Nothing was happening. The 5 deliveries before Jude, baby was out within half an hour -- by midnight, I had been pushing 2 1/2 hours with no success and the OB said that if nothing changed, I would be prepped for a c-section in 30 minutes. Then Jude's heartrate started to fall and then I could hear it stop. It went from thump, thump, thump, thump to thump.....thump..........thump...........thump............thump........... It was the most terrifying silence in the world. At the same time, I was getting very fuzzy myself. I climbed onto the gurney, was rushed down the hall with the anesthesiologist pumping more meds into my epidural, and got onto the operating table -- they were cutting me open before the curtain was up because I remember seeing my midwife using the tool that helps to spread the incision -- then I was out. I don't remember seeing Jude coming out. The next thing I remember is the OB coming to my side of table and telling me that I had to have a hysterectomy, my uterus had ruptured and couldn't be repaired. I was out again and woke up trying to look for Jude. I saw that there was a crowd around the "infant area" in the operating room, but no crying -- no sound at all. Then another group came in and I was told they were taking him to the High Risk Nursery in the neighboring hospital. Then more surgery, more transfusions, waiting for a consult, and closing me up. I was so very cold. I shivered under a warming blanket for an hour until my body temperature came back up to normal. My midwife came in shortly after I was put in a room, exhausted and in tears. My husband came back from the other hospital, saying that Jude was stable. I honestly didn't believe that he was alive.